Mafia Gazette Past Issue 25
15th September, 2005 'HEAD OF THE NEIGHBOURHOOD OUTFIT SLAIN ' Earlier today a brutal killing took place in Las Vegas, city of lights and home to the Neighbourhood Outfit. Randle_McMurphy was shot down just after quarter to nine this morning outside his home following several attempts on his life. Randle started his life as a vociferous citizen, guiding the new and experienced alike with his “Hoodlums Handbook”. He was born in Atlanta, his Father a tailor, his Mother worked at the bakery. He first joined the life of crime after his Dad’s tailors shop was turned over; he caught the bastards and shot them down at the age of sweet 16. After that he moved out to Vegas, his parents shunned him after he announced his career choice to them, and he never looked back. Starting out life keeping his nose clean, he gained a fantastic group of friends, who looked to him to lead them to gain power and money in the mafia world. Keeping the illusion of innocence he helped them from the sidelines for some time. Eventually deciding to lay the demons of his parent’s disapproval to rest, he stepped up and joined them officially, buying a bar and using it to front his organisation. Watching it grow and seeing his members succeed was his full-time hobby, and nothing ever made him happier. As a side note, Randle always carried on the tradition of his Father, and made all of his own suits, running quite a successful sideline as a tailor in his earlier crime years. Randle made it to the rank of Street Boss by the time of his death, a rank he carried with dignity and honour. A note was found in his pocket by the Medical Examiner, It read: “My friends, this is written in haste because I fear soon I will be dead. I wanted to tell my final hours while I still had the chance. I die in Vegas, as that is my home, and no one will ever make me run away from my home. I do not know who is targeting me, but I fear I am already carrying a wound that will see me gone before the hour is through. To my family, live on, keep the dream alive, you have a good boss still and he will look after you. You have been fantastic for me, do the same for him, please. To my friends and followers, I wouldn’t have got this far without you, I owe every second as a bar owner to your generosity of spirit as well as coin. A family is a bond that no death can break, stick together, for me, and for yourselves. Always thankful, Randle.” A man fitting the description of TommyTwoToes was seen running from the scene immediately after the killing. Police are now searching for the whereabouts of this man who is believed to be a direct descendant of Tallulah’s killer and whose family has held a personal grudge against Randle for generations. Anyone seeing this man should not approach him, but report the sighting to the local Police, or to the Gazette offices in Chicago. STOP PRESS: TommyTwoToes was gunned down following the writing of this article. His killer, Sebastian stated his reasons as being “For the death of Randle_McMurphy”. 'GAZETTE ACCUSED OF BIASED JOURNALISM' By EmPee It is a universal truth that you can't please all people all of the time and, once again, the staff at the Gazette were the topic of heated debate regarding alleged "biased journalism". Mooney, a mobster from Las Vegas, publicly declared that the Gazette was "biased" and accused staff of courting the attention of those in power rather than accurately reporting events. Dino, a Hoodlum from Dallas, in support, expressed his opinion that the Gazette was "boring" and suggested the inclusion of Page 3 "topless honeys" in a bid to boost circulation to broader parts of our community and, no doubt, specific parts of his anatomy. Several individuals immediately leapt to the defence of the publication including OpheliaPayne, whose response that "The Gazette is a community paper always in need of stories. If you want to see something in it, WRITE something." was subsequently echoed by many. CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of the Gazette, issued the following statement: "The Gazette will continue to report on the happenings in our community as it has always done. It will also pay for articles submitted for publication, which is a recent added bonus and incentive for people willing to take a small amount of their time out of their busy lives to help keep the community informed." The challenge has been issued - Read these pages over the coming weeks to see if the dissatisfied amongst us are able to rise to it! 'NOTES FROM THE ASYLUM' By: Lexicon Well folks, here it is, the first edition of my very own column, allowing me to give you all an insight into the wide and wonderful world of The Mob's very own Mental Institution. My Mother, Dr. MoneyPenny, opened the institution after spotting an increase in the crazed minds of our community. From that day hence we have had NO problem filling the wards, even if our staff have been out-numbered at times. Recently at St. MZs: TieDomiII, one of our most deluded patients, has spent the last 24 hours glued to the hospital ceiling. This new form of therapy, pioneered by Dr. Sefton FBI. BFG. FUBAR, is in experimental phase, but we have high hopes and, currently, a high Tie. St. MZ'z catering department have been receiving a flurry of good feedback, including comments about the calibre of their mushroom soup. Environmental Health have been called in to investigate after the discovery that we do not serve mushroom soup. Since advertising staff vacancies, we have welcomed Dr. Sefton FBI. BFG. FUBAR onto our team, but are still looking for employees. Please DO get in touch if you are not allergic to mentalists and don't mind getting your hands dirty. (NOTE: there will be less "getting your hands dirty" once the plan to fit all patients with catheters and colostomy bags has been completed). 'BAR REVIEWS' By: RobertPlant NEW YORK PUBS The New York English Pub: Friendly people always have something to tell, with a friendly barmaid who supplies very good services to her customers. Highly recommend a visit if you’re ever in New York. Just to pop in and see for your self. It’s the place for friends. Four stars **** Finding Neverland: This is a bar for those who like to be with people to talk. it is very popular with mysterious people and friendly people. Its a warm place to be to get a pint or to get a few pints. A typical bar very similar to Cheers. There are the regulars and the sort stoppers but altogether a welcoming family to have in the city. Five stars ***** 'MISS MAFIA CONTEST ANNOUNCED' By: BarbieDahl Well Ladies and Gents, its that time again. Time for the women of our streets to prove once and for all that there is more to them than just looks. And the best part? They have to do it in swimming suits! That’s right, First Annual Miss. Mafia Contest is starting next week! We are looking for your nominations of ladies, plus 5 men to be on the judging panel. The nomination form is below, along with the judge application. Good Luck Ladies! ______________________________________________________________________ MISS MAFIA COMPETITION FORM Name: ________________________________________________________ I am entering for/ Nominating ________________________________ (insert name of nominee) and am nominating them because: _________________________________________________________________ Males ONLY) I wish to be considered for the Judging panel because (In no less than 50 words): Please send entries to BarbieDahl at the her office to arrive no later than 11:30 pm Mobtime Saturday 17th September 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ....Mooney is a big cry-baby. If he doesn’t get a mention in the paper he’s going to throw his toys out of the pram. For you Yanks out there, That means he's going to run home to his Mommy, ask her to change his diaper because he cant have his way. Mooney, The paper has one thing to say to you...I hope you get a flippin diaper rash. ....Opus the Penguin has a horrible, Horrible gambling problem and has to go to meetings for it. He also likes to wear underpants on his head...Specifically Mine or Puck's. ....Randle_McMurphy Rocked my flippin world. Oh wait, that’s not gossip! That’s the gosh darn truth! ....Hitman Inc are not really shooters. No, they like to play, you guessed it...football! And not that Crap "Soccer" No, no, no, This is real NFL, American football. I hear they have pink uniforms... 'LETTERS PAGE ' Dear Readers, If you are not happy with the way we do the paper I suggest you.. SUBMIT A *expletive deleted* STORY!! Failing that: WRITE A*expletive deleted* LETTER And If you cant be bothered to do that, Then shut the hell up, Stick your head back up your ass and carry on about your pointless stupid life. Love always, Trixie 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Fat Sam's Grand Slam Speakeasy, NYC, come, drink, be splurged. Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'REFERENCES''' '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=33 Browse • • • • • • •